The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.
Goldfish, pretzels, cereal, fruit snacks, puffs, booty, popcorn, candy, yogurt, almonds. I carry it all, just in case. And sometimes I even bring snacks for the kids, too!
Why have a nervous breakdown when you can have a nervous burndown. If this candle’s alighted you should probably be affrighted. Don’t worry, nerves regenerate, but it’s gonna be a minute.
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When you need to get the bad energy the fuck out of your face, light this candle. Inhale its soothing scent, exhale the bullshit. Repeat as necessary
How’s it going? It’s GOING. How’s my day? It’s been a fucking DAY. When mom is answering questions like this, do something helpful or go into hiding. Preferably both.
This mom is fleek, crunk and BAE-sically going to fleek the crunk out on everybody, fam. Moms don’t need to wait for the weekend to get lit, we’re lit(erally losing our shit) all day every day.