The design:

Spoiler alert: It’s never not going to be zero.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit

• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

S : 27.5" (length from shoulder) 18.25" (chest)
M: 28.5" (length from shoulder) 19.75" (chest)
L: 29.5" (length from shoulder) 21.25" (chest)
XL: 30.5" (length from shoulder) 22.75" (chest)
2XL: 31.5" (length from shoulder) 24.75" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

You know, sometimes I get really sick of being referred to as "eye candy." But I get over it pretty quickly.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Adam is 5'9", 170 lbs, and wearing a size M. He may or may not be the only vegetarian in the world who hates avocados.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

Between super strength, mind-reading, and the ability to single-handedly get all the shit done all the time, my Mom Power makes me basically a superhero. (Also, I can shoot fire from my eyes. Just ask my SO.)

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Neck ribbing, side seamed, shoulder to shoulder tape, double needle hems, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Blair is 5'11'', wearing a size M, and is semi-obsessed with Pez dispensers. (She has 397 of ‘em!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

In case you couldn't tell by my tone of voice or the fire in my eyes. PS - this ain't just for the kids. It goes for my boss, my SO, the patriarchy, the universe, and anyone else who stands in between me and what I know I deserve. (But definitely the kids, too!)

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Neck ribbing, side seamed, shoulder to shoulder tape, double needle hems, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Cassie is 5’4”, wearing a size M, and is 17 weeks pregnant with her first child! (Woo hoo!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I swear I was. People liked hanging out with me, and some even wanted to date me. I stayed up late, I laughed, I partied. At least I think I did. Wait...was it all a dream? No. I'm sure of it. I was hip, er, I mean, cool...um, lit, savage, on fleek? Ugh. Whatever.

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Neck ribbing, side seamed, shoulder to shoulder tape, double needle hems, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Blair is 5'11'', wearing a size M, and is semi-obsessed with Pez dispensers. (She has 397 of ‘em!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton
• Relaxed fit with an open neckline and narrow neck banding for a contemporary look

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Sun, surf, sand, summer. I'm officially in my happy place, beaches.  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton
• Relaxed fit with an open neckline and narrow neck banding for a contemporary look

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I'm just over here making sure the next generation is ready to fix everything we screw up, and make the world a better place. No pressure or anything.  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton
• Relaxed fit with an open neckline and narrow neck banding for a contemporary look

• Cassie is 5’4”, wearing a size M, and is 17 weeks pregnant with her first child! (Woo hoo!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

"Just a girl." "Just a mom." "Just a wife." Just watch me smash all your perceptions. (And maybe your face if you say that again.)  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton
• Relaxed fit with an open neckline and narrow neck banding for a contemporary look
• Emma is 5’7”, wearing a size S, and won the first — and only — poker tournament she ever entered

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I couldn't find my keys, their shoes, or any fucks left to give. If you can't relate, we probably can't be friends. #sorrynotsorry

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• XXXX is XX’XX”, wearing a size XX, and XXXXXXXXXX

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Goldfish, pretzels, cereal, fruit snacks, puffs, booty, popcorn, candy, yogurt, almonds. I carry it all, just in case. And sometimes I even bring snacks for the kids, too!  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Emma is 5’7”, wearing a size S, and won the first — and only — poker tournament she ever entered.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

From maternity to post-baby, and in all shapes and sizes — every mom has a bod, and every one of 'em should be celebrated.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Melanie is 5’4”, wearing a size S, and has never met a dog she didn’t love.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I couldn't find my keys, their shoes, or any fucks left to give. If you can't relate, we probably can't be friends. #sorrynotsorry.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Emelie is 5’7”, wearing a size M, and could only eat Italian food while binging The Sopranos. (For 2 months!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Being the hashtag BestMomEver is hashtag LifeGoals! Aaaaand then reality hits, and the bar lowers a little erryday. It's fine. Just remember, there's always someone out there screwing it up even worse than you are.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Melanie is 5’4”, wearing a size S, and has never met a dog she didn’t love.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Yuko is 5’5”, wearing a size S, and can ride a unicycle (!), which we think is wheely cool.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Don’t make me do it. Because every time I do, I get closer to that day when I will actually get to “3” and you still haven’t moved, and then I’ll have to figure out what the hell to do after that. (Please, don’t make me do it.)

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed, ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Blair is 5'11", wearing a size L, and is named after her dad's college dorm. (Which must have been an especially fun place.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I don't want to say "I told you so," but...nah, just kidding, I love saying it. If everyone just listened to me at all times, things would run a lot more smoothly.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Blair is 5'11", wearing a size L, and is named after her dad's college dorm. (Which must have been an especially fun place.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Friends like you keep me honest, keep me laughing, and keep me grateful. You really make this whole life thing a lot more fun. So seriously - thanks.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed, ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Jillian is 5’5”, wearing a size M, and professes her undying love for tacos and scotch — separate or together.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

You might not appreciate my pearls of wisdom today. But, ONE day, probably in the near future, you’ll turn to me and say, “Mom, you were right.  About EVERYTHING.” (At least, that’s how I imagine it happening.)

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed, ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Jillian is 5’5”, wearing a size M, and professes her undying love for tacos and scotch — separate or together.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I swear I was. People liked hanging out with me, and some even wanted to date me. I stayed up late, I laughed, I partied. At least I think I did. Wait...was it all a dream? No. I'm sure of it. I was hip, er, I mean, cool...um, lit, savage, on fleek? Ugh. Whatever.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Christine is 5’6”, wearing a size M, and has a twin sister. (In fact, she has SIX sets of twins in her family!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I am mother, hear me yawn.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Tiffiny is 5’1”, wearing a size S, and has a son named Eleven (who was born months before Stranger Things even came out.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

King of the Beasts? Puh-leeze. Like every other species, it's the queens who run shit in the jungle. 

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Julianne is 5’9”, wearing a size M, and is a comedian at the Upright Citizens Brigade, who loves The Princess Bride.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

There's a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Julianne is 5’9”, wearing a size M, and is a comedian at the Upright Citizens Brigade, who loves The Princess Bride.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

The truth? You can’t handle the truth. Either that, or I don’t feel like explaining it to you. And, besides, I’m the mom - that’s the only reason you need, buddy.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed, ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Julianne is 5’9”, wearing a size M, and is a comedian at the Upright Citizens Brigade, who loves The Princess Bride.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

There's a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Julianne is 5’9”, wearing a size M, and is a comedian at the Upright Citizens Brigade, who loves The Princess Bride.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

There's a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Tiffiny is 5’1”, wearing a size S, and has a son named Eleven (who was born months before Stranger Things even came out.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Think of the toughest, meanest, baddest person you know. Now think of the one person they're afraid of. Yup...it's their mom. We're all badasses. Don't mess with us.

Wear:

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit
• Christine is 5’6”, wearing a size M, and has a twin sister. (In fact, she has SIX sets of twins in her family!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

A logo? Nah. It's a badge of honor. Being a dad never looked so good.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 38% cotton, 12% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Jay is 6’2”, 205 lbs, and wearing a size L. His dad taught him to always take a right at the fork in the road, and so far, it’s worked out every time.

S : 27" (length from shoulder) 18.5" (chest)
M: 28" (length from shoulder) 20" (chest)
L: 29" (length from shoulder) 21.5" (chest)
XL: 30" (length from shoulder) 23" (chest)
2XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24.5" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal