What:

Think of this warm, flickering flame as a soothing, beautifully-scented way of me saying "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I need a break. If the light is on, I'm off. Get it?

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
6. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

At any given moment, a mom’s brain is overflowing with fifty trillion items of varying importance. To-do lists, mental notes, small moments of gratitude we want to hold on to, what we should have said in that conversation 3 weeks ago, upcoming appointments, and colorful swear words all swirling in a perpetual tornado of overwhelming brain noise. This unique, funny pink notebook is the refuge she needs to unload the $%#@storm without filters or judgment. Brimming with hilarious encouragement for kick-ass moms whose goal is not perfection, but making it to the end of the damn day.

Mom's Planning and Profanity Notebook is the perfect companion for Moms with its clearly laid out sections for lists, gratitude, venting, and notes sprinkled with humor and uplifting messages that resonate. It’s cheaper than therapy and funnier too.

Looking for a perfect Mother’s Day gift under $20? Look no more, this unique and useful (!) gift for mom will make this Mother's Day feel extra special.

Wear:

• 128 pages
• 7" x 9"
• 4 sections: Lists, Gratitude, Venting, & Notes

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Moms love having a stash of cards to whip out at a moment’s notice, because running back to the store (she already went twice this week) means derailing a whole afternoon. This pack has all the cards she needs for the people who want to hear from the real her: hilarious thank you cards for everyone, mom-friends, and teachers No more cheesy cards from the grocery store, just real sentiments, real funny. Just under $25, this set of 12 funny thank you cards will make a perfect touch to any Mother’s (or any!) Day Gift.

Wear:

• Pack of 12 greeting cards with envelopes
• 4.25" x 5.5"
• Greeting Card occasions: 4 Thank You, 2, Teacher appreciation, 5 friendship , & 1 encouragement

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

 What:

Think of the toughest, meanest, baddest person you know. Now think of the one person they're afraid of. Yup...it's their mom. We're all badasses. Don't mess with us.

Wear:

• 12 oz stoneware
• Glossy white with red rim and speckles
• Hand wash recommended

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

It's not just a word we hear 7,873,671 times a day. It's a badge of honor. Wear it proudly.

Wear:

• 52% airlume-combed ring-spun cotton, 48% poly
• Super soft, crewneck, with front patch detail
• Modern, loose fit
• Blair is 5'11", wearing a size M, and is named after her dad's college dorm. (Which must have been an especially fun place.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

From maternity to post-baby, and in all shapes and sizes — every mom has a bod, and every one of 'em should be celebrated.

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Sleeveless tank, raw armhole edges, neck ribbing, double needle hems, side seamed, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Emma is 5’7”, wearing a size S, and won the first — and only — poker tournament she ever entered.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Oh, is that how you say "super strong, independent badass who runs the world" in a bunch of different languages? Good to know.

Wear:

• 52% airlume combed ring-spun cotton, 48% poly
• Super soft, cozy crewneck
• Modern, loose fit with dropped shoulder, ribbed cuffs & waistband
• Blair is 5'11", wearing a size L, and is named after her dad's college dorm. (Which must have been an especially fun place.)

Why:

• FREE SHIPPING at $40
• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Think of the toughest, meanest, baddest person you know. Now think of the one person they're afraid of. Yup...it's their mom. We're all badasses. Don't mess with us.

Wear:

• 12 oz stoneware
• Glossy color outside / glossy white inside
• Hand wash recommended
• Black rim and speckles

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Being the hashtag BestMomEver is hashtag LifeGoals! Aaaaand then reality hits, and the bar lowers a little erryday. It's fine. Just remember, there's always someone out there screwing it up even worse than you are.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Melanie is 5’4”, wearing a size S, and has never met a dog she didn’t love.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% thick gauge brass, handstamped
• Disc measures 1.25" in diameter and is shiny and light

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Being the hashtag BestMomEver is hashtag LifeGoals! Aaaaand then reality hits, and the bar lowers a little erryday. It's fine. Just remember, there's always someone out there screwing it up even worse than you are!

Wear:

• 100% thick gauge brass, handstamped
• Disc measures 1.25" in diameter and is shiny and light

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% cotton
• One size fits most

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I couldn't find my keys, their shoes, or any fucks left to give. If you can't relate, we probably can't be friends. #sorrynotsorry.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Emelie is 5’7”, wearing a size M, and could only eat Italian food while binging The Sopranos. (For 2 months!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Take a deeeeep breath. It's all gonna be ok. Probably.

Wear:

• Handpoured soy candle
• Lavender scent

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Between super strength, mind-reading, and the ability to single-handedly get all the shit done all the time, my Mom Power makes me basically a superhero. (Also, I can shoot fire from my eyes. Just ask my SO.)

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Sleeveless tank, raw armhole edges, neck ribbing, double needle hems, side seamed, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Emma is 5’7”, wearing a size S, and won the first — and only — poker tournament she ever entered.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

If I'm gonna carry all the things for all the people all the time, I might as well do it in style.

Wear:

• 100% nylon

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I couldn't find my keys, their shoes, or any fucks left to give. If you can't relate, we probably can't be friends. #sorrynotsorry.

Wear:

• 100% Microsurfaced Impact Acrylic
• 2" x 0.75"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I couldn't find my keys, their shoes, or any fucks left to give. If you can't relate, we probably can't be friends. #sorrynotsorry

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• XXXX is XX’XX”, wearing a size XX, and XXXXXXXXXX

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

I'm just over here making sure the next generation is ready to fix everything we screw up, and make the world a better place. No pressure or anything.  

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton
• Relaxed fit with an open neckline and narrow neck banding for a contemporary look

• Cassie is 5’4”, wearing a size M, and is 17 weeks pregnant with her first child! (Woo hoo!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

From maternity to post-baby, and in all shapes and sizes — every mom has a bod, and every one of 'em should be celebrated.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Melanie is 5’4”, wearing a size S, and has never met a dog she didn’t love.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Between super strength, mind-reading, and the ability to single-handedly get all the shit done all the time, my Mom Power makes me basically a superhero. (Also, I can shoot fire from my eyes. Just ask my SO.)

Wear:

• Super-soft 100% combed cotton with crew neck
• Stylish, modern fit
• Neck ribbing, side seamed, shoulder to shoulder tape, double needle hems, preshrunk to minimize shrinkage
• Blair is 5'11'', wearing a size M, and is semi-obsessed with Pez dispensers. (She has 397 of ‘em!)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I don't necessarily need everything in here to be a MILF. But it doesn't hurt, either.

Wear:

• 100% canvas

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real