What:

Even the world’s worst homeschool teacher deserves recognition. We didn’t sign up for this shit, but we survived it.

Wear:

• 11 oz stoneware
• Glossy white 
• dishwasher and microwave safe

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is on pre-order and will begin shipping on 4/22

What:

Sometimes life feels like a thousand-piece puzzle, only my kids lost the box so I’m not even sure what we’re supposed to be building anymore. Which is exactly why moms need a puzzle we can actually fucking solve..

Wear:

• 252 pieces
• 10.5" x 13.5"
• Packed in custom tin

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and Sage Against The Machine will begin shipping on 4/23 in time for Mother's Day delivery.

What:

Don’t like the way your sandwich is cut? Upset your favorite shirt isn’t clean? Prefer the vacuum isn’t used while you’re watching TV? Please, by all means, write it all down and hold it over this flame.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 6 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry  (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Sage Against The Machine (Palo Santo & Sage)
6. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

what:

The perfect gift for a mom who could really use a damn break. When she's under this blanket napping or watching her shows, she is not to be disturbed. Dad can deal with it.

The details:

• 50 X 60
• Midweight soft fleece
• Polyester

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

This is for the shit that sounds like a good idea right after a cup of coffee. Go ahead and make that ambitious list. No judgment when you check off “take a shower” and “drink coffee” but cross out “sign up for marathon.” 

Wear:

• 40 lined sheets
• 4" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

For anyone who’s rolled their eyes at a gratitude journal and thought, “don’t tell me how to live my life.” Because you can be hashtag blessed without being annoying about it.

 Wear:

• 100 lined pages
• 6" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

 Certified clean freak, zero days a week. Mom’s making a list, cause this family’s clean-up game’s weak.

Wear:

• 40 lined sheets
• 4" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is on pre-order and will begin shipping on 4/22

What:

We’ve all been there. Reading the same sentence for the 10th time without taking any of it in because your beloved family just won’t STFU. Light this candle, get lost in your book. We got you.

Wear:

• Custom Scary Mommy Book Club Scent "A Stack of Unread Books": Orange Zest, Amber, Clove Leaf, and Balsam
• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Think of this as the adult version of plugging your ears and shouting, “I’M NOT LISTENING!”  

Wear:

• 11 oz stoneware
• Glossy black
• dishwasher and microwave safe

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

what:

It may look he's napping on the couch and it may even sound like he's snoring, but dad is always "just resting his eyes." And don't even think about trying to change the channel, he was watching that.

The details:

• 50 X 60
• Midweight soft fleece
• Polyester

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

A rage-coloring book JUST for burnt-out moms who need to vent. Go to your happy place, steal some of your kid's markers and color a world free of kids and full of swears.

Wear:

• 36 coloring pages
• Coloring pages have black backing to avoid any bleeding
• 8.5" x 11"
• Perforated sheets so you can tear out and hang up your masterpieces

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is on pre-order and will begin shipping on 4/27

What:

From the creators of updog, The Dad is (maybe a little too) proud to present Deez Nuts. A scent everyone will enjoy, complete with a scents of humor dad will enjoy.

Wear:

• Available in our custom "Deez Nuts" blend: Almond, coconut, and pralines mixed with caramel, honey, and brown sugar.
• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other dads who know the struggle is real

 What:

The real happy hour for parents is the little celebratory window when the kids are finally in bed (at least for now.) Cheers to having some kid-free time! Enjoy it while it lasts.

Wear:

• 12 oz vacuum insulated stainless steel
• Glossy white 
• dishwasher and microwave safe

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

You don't need some bullsh*t holiday to know that you love each other, but a little reminder never hurts. Especially when it smells this good.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

It's that "special" time of day when you can finally have a moment free of the kids to reconnect as a couple...or just fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 8 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
6. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)
7. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
8. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Sure the house is a mess and everything is chaos but look, a pretty candle. Romantic right? Maybe this is the best you can do right now and honestly, it's the romantic thought that counts.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 8 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
6. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
8. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

After all these years and all the sh*t you've been through, you still like each other? It defies all logic! But it's pretty damn cool.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 8 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
6. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
8. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Finally, all the benefits of baking homemade treats with none of the work. Fill your home with this comforting scent and then dump some store-bought cookies on a paper plate. Boom, you’re really nailing this domesticity thing.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 4 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
2. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
3. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
4. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Go ahead, try to tell me to smile and see how that ends for you. The perfect candle for a snarky badass mama who also happens to like pretty scented candles.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 4 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
2. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
3. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
4. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I thought I had a few left to give. I could have sworn I saw them the other day, when my kids were climbing on me during a Zoom call. Or maybe they were somewhere in that pile of toys in the corner. (Or is that laundry? Who can tell anymore?) But nope, it turns out there was only one, single, solitary f*ck that I had left to give. And now it's on fire, so I'm all out. Gotta say, though — it smells lovely.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry  (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
6. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

Think of this warm, flickering flame as a soothing, beautifully-scented way of me saying "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I need a break. If the light is on, I'm off. Get it?

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
6. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

Some days you’re zen AF and other days you just need to light something on fire. Take your rage out on the wick of this candle. Bonus: your family will know to steer clear when the candle is lit. They’ve been warned.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry    (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. Fall, My Second Favorite F Word (Orange Zest with notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Trick your family into believing you’re a domestic goddess who does impressive things like putting clothes in the washer and even remembering to move them into the dryer. Imagine a world with no piles of dirty clothes, only the scent of clean clothes that miraculously folded themselves and put themselves in the right drawers.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

The most relaxing scent for stressed-out moms. Send a message to your kids that there are TWO parents in this goddamn house. When the candle is lit, mom will not be accepting questions or snack requests, that’s what dad is for.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% brass, handstamped
• The thin bangle measures 1/4" x 7" including the circle medallion, and will fit most wrists

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

There's a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

Wear:

• 100% Microsurfaced Impact Acrylic
• 2" x 0.75"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The Perfect Tee: Custom cut, colored, and butter-washed exclusively for Scary Mommy, for a perfect fit and an unrivaled ultra-soft feel.

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% combed ringspun superfine lightweight cotton, with curved hem
• Relaxed fit for comfort, with tacked, rolled-up sleeves for a feminine flair
• Yuko is 5’5”, wearing a size S, and can ride a unicycle (!), which we think is wheely cool.

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

There's a fine line when it comes to raising a daughter. We want our little girls to be kind, but we also want them to know that they can throat-punch someone if they need to.

Wear:

• 52% airlume combed ring-spun cotton, 48% poly
• Super soft, cozy, with drawstring hood
• Soft crewneck
• Modern, loose fit, with ribbed cuffs and kangaroo pocket
• Blair is 5'11", wearing a size L, and is named after her dad's college dorm. (Which must have been an especially fun place.)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Some days I show my strength by lugging the kids AND the groceries up the steps. Some days I show it by kicking ass at the gym, before kicking ass at work. And some days (aka most days), I show it by just getting out of bed and dealing with all the things, all the time.

Wear:

• 100% cotton
• One size fits most

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

 What:

Think of the toughest, meanest, baddest person you know. Now think of the one person they're afraid of. Yup...it's their mom. We're all badasses. Don't mess with us.

Wear:

• 12 oz stoneware
• Glossy white with red rim and speckles
• Hand wash recommended

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

Trying to remember that good idea can feel like finding a needle in a haystack, but there’s a better way. Just don’t put this notepad in that “safe place” you can never find again. 

Wear:

• 40 lined sheets
• 4" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

Do not hold me accountable to the things I agreed to immediately after drinking coffee. I’m not that person anymore. All that’s left of her is the list of her commitments I keep in this notepad.

Wear:

• 40 lined sheets
• 4" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

This item is made-to-order and will ship on 5/5 and in time for Mother's Day delivery

What:

Once upon a time, a woman was told she must only have good vibes. This pissed her the fuck off.

Wear:

• 100 lined pages
• 6" x 9"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real