What:

I thought I had a few left to give. I could have sworn I saw them the other day, when my kids were climbing on me during a Zoom call. Or maybe they were somewhere in that pile of toys in the corner. (Or is that laundry? Who can tell anymore?) But nope, it turns out there was only one, single, solitary f*ck that I had left to give. And now it's on fire, so I'm all out. Gotta say, though — it smells lovely.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry  (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
6. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

A rage-coloring book JUST for burnt-out moms who need to vent. Go to your happy place, steal some of your kid's markers and color a world free of kids and full of swears.

Wear:

• 36 coloring pages
• Coloring pages have black backing to avoid any bleeding
• 8.5" x 11"
• Perforated sheets so you can tear out and hang up your masterpieces

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Think of this warm, flickering flame as a soothing, beautifully-scented way of me saying "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I need a break. If the light is on, I'm off. Get it?

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
6. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

At any given moment, a mom’s brain is overflowing with fifty trillion items of varying importance. To-do lists, mental notes, small moments of gratitude we want to hold on to, what we should have said in that conversation 3 weeks ago, upcoming appointments, and colorful swear words all swirling in a perpetual tornado of overwhelming brain noise. This unique, funny pink notebook is the refuge she needs to unload the $%#@storm without filters or judgment. Brimming with hilarious encouragement for kick-ass moms whose goal is not perfection, but making it to the end of the damn day.

Mom's Planning and Profanity Notebook is the perfect companion for Moms with its clearly laid out sections for lists, gratitude, venting, and notes sprinkled with humor and uplifting messages that resonate. It’s cheaper than therapy and funnier too.

Looking for a perfect Mother’s Day gift under $20? Look no more, this unique and useful (!) gift for mom will make this Mother's Day feel extra special.

Wear:

• 128 pages
• 7" x 9"
• 4 sections: Lists, Gratitude, Venting, & Notes

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

 This item is on pre-order and will begin shipping on 9/21

What:

Wear:

• Book containing 75 perforated pages of Dote Notes 
• Dote Note categories: Anticipation, Apology, Encouragement , Gratitude , Love plus blank note pages
• 5 categories come with word bank for each type of message
• Book 4.5" X 4", notes 4"X4"

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Every day is Father's Day with this hilarious 365-day calendar, compiling all the things dads love—and all the things we love about them. Tear away a page every day to reveal a funny new dad-ism. If you are a dad, have a dad, or know a dad, you've heard (and likely rolled your eyes at) these sayings.

Dads love a good joke, a bad pun, and spreading a little bit of wisdom. So give him the perfect gift and make his day, every day. The average dad regularly uses 3 out of 4 of these dad-isms. How dad are you? 

This tear away calendar is the best, unique (and dare we say cheap!) gift for dads and husbands this Father’s Day.

The details:

• 5.25" X 4.25"
• 313 hilarious tear-away days  counting down to Dad's Day (from 06/20/21 to 6/19/22)
• Comes with attached plastic stand

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

what:

The perfect gift for a mom who could really use a damn break. When she's under this blanket napping or watching her shows, she is not to be disturbed. Dad can deal with it.

The details:

• 50 X 60
• Midweight soft fleece
• Polyester

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

SOS, Mom is about to lose her shit. Consider this gift set an emergency kit for when she's down to her last f*ck. Give her this and back away slowly.

Wear:

Includes the following items:

• Calm Your Tits & Color adult coloring book
• Mom's Planning and Profanity Notebook
• Official Warning Notepad
• Out of Service candle with a scent of Go Ask Your Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Sandalwood) 

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Bad moods happen, but don't say I didn't try to warn you. Use this official form to let the family know when to steer clear, for their own safety.

Wear:

• 40 Notice of Appreciation sheets
  
• 4.25" x 5.5"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Do you ever mention something to your spouse only to hear them say, "What? You never told me that!" Now you can pull out the evidence. No more arguments because it's all on the record.

Wear:

• 40 Official Evidence sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

What could be more romantic than filling in the blanks on a form letter? Wow your partner with your thoughtfulness and efficiency, and hold on to this document for your records as evidence that you made an effort.

Wear:

• 40 Official Evidence sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Love notes are overrated, now you can officially recognize your partner as Spouse Of The Month with a generic form-letter! The competition was not fierce but still, they should be thrilled to receive this great honor.

Wear:

• 40 Notice of Appreciation sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

This item is on pre-order and will begin shipping on 10/30

What:

Leave a professional note for your marital co-worker with this official paperwork. Generic form-letters to cover all the little daily communications between spouses, because what could be more romantic than someone filling in the blanks for you?

Wear:

• Five 40 sheet notepads
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Don’t mind me, I’m just going to ignore the fact that everything is chaos all around me and focus on this calming scented candle. I’m fine, this is all fine, we’ll all be fine.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
6. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Some days you’re zen AF and other days you just need to light something on fire. Take your rage out on the wick of this candle. Bonus: your family will know to steer clear when the candle is lit. They’ve been warned.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry    (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. Fall, My Second Favorite F Word (Orange Zest with notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Mask orders start shipping 15-20 business days after your order has been placed. Please also keep in mind that your ENTIRE order will ship at once — only after the pre-order items are ready to go.

What:

This shouldn’t need to be said. But, for some reason, it does. It really does. Take a hint, guy behind me in line at the store. You look ridiculous and you’re not helping.

Wear:

• Two layer mask:   first layer is made of Polyester Microfiber fabric (similar to a 300-thread count bedsheet), with a second inner layer made of Polyester/Cotton blend fabric
• Inner pocket where you can insert a separate filter (not included)
• Face mask also includes an additional rubber adjuster for the elastic ear loops.  This adjuster slides to make the ear loops larger or smaller for an extra snug fit. 
• Comes in two sizes:

1. Medium: 8"W X 5"H with 8.5" ear loops. Suggested for adult female
2. Large: 9"W X 5.5"H with 9.5" ear loops. Suggested for adult males

• Imported

What:

Moms love having a stash of cards to whip out at a moment’s notice, because running back to the store (she already went twice this week) means derailing a whole afternoon. This pack has all the cards she needs for the people who want to hear from the real her: hilarious thank you cards for everyone, mom-friends, and teachers No more cheesy cards from the grocery store, just real sentiments, real funny. Just under $25, this set of 12 funny thank you cards will make a perfect touch to any Mother’s (or any!) Day Gift.

Wear:

• Pack of 12 greeting cards with envelopes
• 4.25" x 5.5"
• Greeting Card occasions: 4 Thank You, 2, Teacher appreciation, 5 friendship , & 1 encouragement

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

 The Dad Book is unlike any parenting book you’ve ever read. It may not contain any useful parenting advice, but it’s the perfect book for a dad who likes to laugh. Packed with popular jokes from The Dad and new never-before-seen content, but (almost) small enough to fit in your cargo shorts. Includes funny insights into life with kids, ill-advised parenting hacks, and classic dad phrases we call dad-isms. A must-have for everyone living life in The Dad Club, and as satisfying as the first mow of spring.

The details:

• ~200 pages
• Softcover

• Full color

• 6.5"x 6.5"

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The details:

• "4.87 x 7.12" 
  
• ~202 pages
• Faux leather cover
• Black/White text
• Written by Ally Probst, and Joel Willis.

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Filled with adorable illustrations and hilarious dad-isms, this book is the perfect gift for new dads (and longtime dads) who'll wind up reading it even when the kids aren't around.

It's the perfect way to wind your little ones down for bedtime (hahaha...yeah, right) and give them a glimpse into the mind of their favorite big guy.

The details:

• 8" X 8"
• 27 pages
• Hardcover, full color, sewn binding
• Written by Dave Campanaro, Ally Probst, and Joel Willis. Illustrated by Daniela Sosa

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

The receding hairline. The proceeding waistline. The jokes on the borderline. Yup, wifey hit ol' jackpot with this guy, alright. Lucky lady.

The details:

• Premium hard-coated ceramic
• 15 oz
• Dishwasher safe

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

Finally, all the benefits of baking homemade treats with none of the work. Fill your home with this comforting scent and then dump some store-bought cookies on a paper plate. Boom, you’re really nailing this domesticity thing.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 4 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
2. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
3. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
4. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

The most relaxing scent for stressed-out moms. Send a message to your kids that there are TWO parents in this goddamn house. When the candle is lit, mom will not be accepting questions or snack requests, that’s what dad is for.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

The cup says it all, really. You better watch out if you see me sippin' from this bad boy.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Trick your family into believing you’re a domestic goddess who does impressive things like putting clothes in the washer and even remembering to move them into the dryer. Imagine a world with no piles of dirty clothes, only the scent of clean clothes that miraculously folded themselves and put themselves in the right drawers.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

what:

Who says stickers are just for kids and VSCO girls? Put these die-cut stickers wherever you want to leave your mark, who's gonna stop you?

The details:

• Collection of 10 different Mom themed vinyl stickers
• ~3 inch 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What: 

Moms need to de-stress more than anyone in the world. These candles deliver a laugh along with a soothing scent.

Wear:

• 3 candles with our custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Pretend I did The Laundry candle (Clean Laundry Scent)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad-Vanilla (Vanilla Sandalwood Scent)
3. Out of Service Candle with a Scent of Zen AF (Calming Lavender Scent)

• 13.75 oz each
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time each
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

This cup measures your mood depending on how much iced coffee you've had. The bad news is you drank the whole thing and you're still exhausted, because that's mom life for you.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

 What:

Okay kids, back off. No, you can't have a sip. Get your own sippy cup and let mom have at least one thing in life that's just for her.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

All right stop, collaborate and listen. This is the perfect cup for anyone who can’t live without their iced coffee on hand at all times.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

You know, sometimes I get really sick of being referred to as "eye candy." But I get over it pretty quickly.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Adam is 5'9", 170 lbs, and wearing a size M. He may or may not be the only vegetarian in the world who hates avocados.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal